the out of box life threatening question..

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

Yesterday my fav brother asked me one question. "how do you know what you wanna do in life?". I was surprised by the question.

Because honestly? I dont have the structured and direct answer. If I know the real truth how..I would have gone somewhere and not living in Malaysia. Probably living somewhere outside, doing what I really want to do the most.

But no. I am still here, routing my journey just so that I will finally soon realize what I want to do in life. Routing and navigating. And even sometimes I do make some u-turns.

Nowadays I have problems understanding people and their needs. And due to the eagerness of answering the popped out question, I made sort of so-called 'fairy tales' answer; "ask your heart.."

You will probably think that I am just another hopeless romantic girl that live with all the wonders and magical events that life could offers.

* this is the mumbling part* Literally, yeah I might be one. But if you could read between the lines, that is not what I mean in the first place.

Okay back to the question; Sometimes, we can't just figured out everything using all the practical knowledge we have in us.

I don't have the real answer..I don't even know what is the right answer for that..the only one who can help is Him..He'll give you the answer if you asked Him..maybe not through me, maybe through someone else. Or maybe through an event in your life...maybe through your thinking..

• We can plan everything in our life. From plan A to Z..but if things don't go our way, it means He wants us to learn something else first, or probably that is just not the best planning because He has something more for us.

• Remember to always leave some portion that He has the final decision for us in our life. Redha, pasrah dan tawakkal..these are the three words that we always fail to understand their true meaning..

• Even in statistic, we rarely give 100 for confident interval. The most is 99. Practically it is always 95% on whatever calculation, improvement or forecasting that we make. There will always be chances of failing or the needs to re-routing from the current journey that we are living through now..unless we are just too lazy to leave our comfort zone..it can be 100 then..

ps: I am not making this entry to answer anybody's question..

posted from Bloggeroid

Key Point #1: How much have you done to make your parents happy?

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

As salam and Good Morning bloggers!

Yesterday was really worth spending. Well, the time that you spend with your family is indeed invaluable. It has been quite a hectic week for me previously because I need to expedite the containment and reworked process just so all the stranded units for delivery can be delivered to customers soonest. 

Giving the responsibility to rectify all the damages done due to improper process control, it really takes alot from me. Not that I'm complaining because I need to do all those dirty works too like the operators but because I am not that fit and athletic, and before long after I had my shower, prayer and dinner I could easily fall asleep within 5 secs! Thus, has changed my routine entirely. I even started to feel like I have becoming a zombie. Going to work without even thinking and planning properly the whole day.

However, I am not planning to let myself trap in this loop forever. Definitely. It is going to last the most up to two weeks only. (Well, there is another unit to be rectified too!).

Okay, back to the main point of existence of this entry, for every minutes spent yesterday got me thinking and made me asking myself about life that I am living now.

Key Point #1: How much have you done to make your parents happy?

Yesterday I was not going back to my parents house. I was going back to my kampung (village) together with my best-estfriend because we're going to have sorta small eat-together ( that is what my mom said previously) with the whole big family. Not only siblings from my mom's side. But also including my grandma's brothers' families.

And apparently, it wasn't actually small. It was a sort of Kenduri Doa Selamat, Yassin & Tahlil where you also called your neighbours and we had about in total almost a hundred guests! (excluding the kids, mind you)

 Inaccurate info ma.. *geleng kepala.

Okay, so after the lunch ended, all of us were having our own sweet time resting ourselves wherever applicable around the house. I was siting in front of the tv watching something that I was not actually paying any attention of when suddenly I realized that my dad was sleeping soundly not so near besides me.

I was looking at him for about one or two minutes, busy scrutinizing his greyish-turned-to-white hair and finely visible wrinkles around his eyes and cheeks, then something came out of my mind.

"How old is abah now?..erm...50 something? nearly a pensioner for few more years..".., I thought.

And I came to realization that how fast time flies..

"How long have I been working now..?..2 years..and what did I do to repay him and mak back?...", My expression turned a bit sour.

When the second question struck me, I was totally speechless..

Apart from still being financially unstable, I was not also able to give them my time..up until now..


I only had 10 solid years  living with them while the rest of 16 years were incomplete because there were times where I had to live apart from them. 

When I was still studying, I thought that I could repay them back by spending my time with them, do everything they asked me to, providing them things that I should as a child.

But after graduating, I still find it hard to be there with them as I planned earlier.

And what makes my heart breaks is that I still haven't done anything significant to repay them back while they're still giving me the same care, time, unconditional love, timeless advice and wisdom as parents.

Then I realized that this coming Ramadhan might be the last Ramadhan for us..

 So today, I decided to really change my routine and try to spend as much time available with them. Because apparently, each secs left is irreplaceable and I might not have much time left with them anymore..

untuk hati..yang selalu lupa..

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

Hari ini sebelum kita mengatakan kata-kata yang tidak baik,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang tidak dapat berkata-kata sama sekali.

Sebelum kita mengeluh tentang rasa dari makanan,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang tidak punya apapun untuk dimakan.

Sebelum anda mengeluh tidak punya apa-apa,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang meminta-minta dijalanan.

Sebelum kita mengeluh bahawa kita buruk,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang berada pada keadaan yang terburuk di dalam hidupnya.

Sebelum mengeluh tentang suami atau isteri anda,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang memohon kepada Tuhan untuk diberikan teman hidup.

Hari ini sebelum kita mengeluh tentang hidup,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang meninggal terlalu cepat.

Sebelum kita mengeluh tentang anak-anak kita,
Fikirkan tentang seseorang yang sangat ingin mempunyai anak tetapi dirinya mandul.

Sebelum kita mengeluh tentang rumah yang kotor kerana pembantu tidak mengerjakan tugasnya,
Fikirkan tentang orang-orang yang tinggal dijalanan.

Dan di saat kita letih dan mengeluh tentang pekerjaan,
Fikirkan tentang pengangguran, orang-orang cacat yang berharap mereka mempunyai pekerjaan seperti kita.

Sebelum kita menunjukkan jari dan menyalahkan orang lain,
Ingatlah bahawa tidak ada seorangpun yang tidak berdosa.

Dan ketika kita sedang bersedih dan hidup dalam kesusahan,
Tersenyum dan berterima kasihlah kepada Tuhan bahawa kita masih hidup!


*found this through blog-walking..


ps: kita selalu terlupa, bahawa hakikat diri kita dan segala nikmat ini..bukan selamanya milik kita..bahkan tidak pernah jadi milik kita secara mutlaknya. ia hanya pinjamam semata-mata..dan atas dasar hak apa untuk kita merasa bahawa kita adalah yang terbaik di antara selautan manusia sedangkan di hadapan Dia, entah di mana letak duduk diri kita yang sebenar-benarnya..

brick walls are there for a reason..

recently, i have gone through a roller coaster weekly life like i have mentioned in the earlier post..

well, nothing much differ here this week..and it got me stuck with these temperamental attitude for a while..

i thought life would be much easier if i can manage my own tasks well. it ended up that i have people that i need to cater or my leadership skill will be rated as terribly bad. that is the last thing i want after the yo-yo quality result.

the past few days, i have started to read this book title 'the last lecture'. it was written by a professor named Randy Pausch from Carnegie Mellon.

this book like the other book titled 'the simple truth' by Ken Nerburn which i read few months ago had taught me lessons in which i miserably failed to understand due to my lack of common sense and ignorant attitude when i faced events in my life..

unlike 'simple truth' that led me to see life on the other perspective..merely more on the spiritual side, the last lecture simply taught me the 360 view..which my brother has fought hard to instill in me until he finally gave up recently..

on one chapter, i found his phrase were quite interesting.. " brick walls are there for a reason. they give us chance to show how badly we want something..'

the moment i came across this phrase, it remind me how easy i was before this giving up whenever i found myself stuck in middle of life journey and always re-routing my direction because i thought there was no way out. the fact is: it is merely a self escapism because i cant handle pressure. i mean too much pressure. and i cant take the consequences if my plan fails miserably..

i guess i need to finish up this book real fast before i can come to a conclusion on what to really matters to me in life and how to navigate myself towards achieving things that i want the most in life..

nevertheless, i wont settle for second best. that is for sure..

posted from Bloggeroid

a not so proper update.

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

Hello there! as salam..

It has been few months with out any proper update. I have been to occupied with something else that it has taken my prio to write a post. or maybe i just dont think i have something interesting to share with at the moment.

but after reading some of the blogs (currently). i know i need to write something. life has been a lil bit roller coaster with all those mood swing and temperamental attitude. after 26 years old living with all these traits, it is not that easy to change everything up, you know?

i think due to my constraint and limited time which only focusing on certain things and people, i have let out time to fly without doing things that i love and enjoy the most. in fact, i have stop trying out new activities. therefore, starting this weekend, im gonna make sure i will do some work out to lose weight ( which i think i have, in improper way), tone up muscles and get fit!

poor shoes! beli mahal-mahal tapi berhabuk dalam rumah je. haih. Okay, let's have some squashy time this weekend then! =)

I miss the adrenaline rush already..

the abnormality

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

sibuk membaiki diri..terlupa menyiram hati sendiri. sibuk membaiki diri demi dunia, terlupa hakikat pengabdian diri pada Allah itu harus mencakupi segala aspek kehidupan.

Ya Allah,

Ingatkan aku di kala aku lalai,
Tarik tanganku di saat langkahku tersasar dari landasan yang telah Engkau tetapkan,

Ya Allah,

Aku bukan siapa-siapa di mataMu,
Aku cuma hamba yang miskin, lemah dan serba kekurangan,

Tetapi aku pohon cuma satu ya Allah,

pandanganMu untuk ku tak pernah hilang,

I cant lie to myself. And this is killing me inside. sigh..

apa yang mampu aku jawab di hadapanMu nanti andai Engkau bertanyakan tentang segala nikmat yang telah diberikan Mu, Tuhanku?...

frustration is nil now.

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

*tiup habuk.

hm...nampak gayanya page ni dah berhabuk. sangat. and i have lost my touch in writing. lost it all. i have something in mind, but couldn't write it down in a constructive manner. maybe i should just write it down in my red velvet book.

*kecewa. sebab tak dapat menulis. lagi.

ps: kalau dalaman pun kering dan perlu disiram. lupakan hasrat untuk menyiram dan membasahi hati-hati di luar sana. hati sendiri lebih crucial untuk dijaga terlebih dahulu.

pss: even if you still dont have faith in me, it doesnt matter now. because i know He sees it. and i know He knows up to the microscopic level how much effort i have poured for this and still giving my best to change. as long as i know He still give me chances, believe in me and know i have changed, it doesn't matter even if nobody have faith in me.

sebab hidup ini demi Dia. (sepatutnya) and that guidance given is appreciated. cuma mungkin expectation terlalu tinggi within limited time?