what is life?

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

today i woke up, thinking what life is all about?

the past few days i had a talk, discussing what kind of planning..i mean life planning that i have for myself. to be honest? nil. not a solid one. a rough sketch? yes. but a definite and perfect one? no.

and that makes me realize, we can't just simply plan our whole life when u just don't know how to picture yourself after 20 years time. what i really want in this life? i have no idea. maybe i just lost it somewhere. tertinggal di mana-mana.

in 2010, i have slowly construct my own mindset. but unfortunately along the way, it was all destroyed due to too many reasons. but the main rootcause was; because i dont have that strong and bold personality. my personality is changeable. according to situation if it is affecting people. unconscious self-sacrificing. or too diplomatic in a very bad way.

i am really a peaceful phlegmatic person at heart. sigh.

right now, everytime i go to sleep i will give myself a moment. to think. what kind of day i would like myself to have tomorrow? what can i do to improve myself in anyway? what can i give to other people so that i can always make myself helpful for others around me. in other way, to keep me independent at all times.

when we become the giver, we will be less dependent. because that needs us to be more proactive, taking out  more responsibilities, learning how to control situations, forces us to think in a different way. looking at all the possible angles.verifying back all the consequences for all the decisions we take.

in simple explanation; we learned how to plan, do, act and checking back in the right and correct way. (supposedly). this what i do recently. to improve myself.

and what i should do next; is to create back my life planning. theoretically, by using the house construction diagram.

well, at this age im pretty sure i know what i want. it is just i need to properly construct them back. i think im in my comfort zone already. i need to get out of it now.

A Song For You

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

Dear Sister,

Yesterday, You told me about the stages in ukhuwwah,

It was the very first thing i learned when i joined this circle called 'happy family' 

back in 2006.

Thank you for reminding me about the forgotten tale,

That a sahabah is someone who will not only  stay by your side,

when needed..

But also a someone,

who constantly reminding you when you forget things you shouldn't,

A person who can sings back the song to you,

when you have forgotten the lyrics,

Someone who will shed tears for you,

Not because of pity..

but because she could also feel the pain and heavy feelings you have inside,

even when you haven't told her yet..

Who will be in deep sorrow,

 when your path sometimes goes astray,

But all in all,

a true friend, is someone who never fails to remember  you,

in everything she do,

in every prayer she recites,

in every moment she lives,

you're there inside her heart..

even with countless sacrifices she made,

she'll never remind you back,

because for her,

your happiness and lite up face,

has given her the indescribable happiness..

in life..

thank you for the unconditional love, that only family could've give..

So i sing this song as a memory
Close your eyes listen to this
Sing along, can you remember me? oh yea
This was for you a long time back
And its still for you, today i stand
where the stars shine for you

And everything that went away
Let them all go away
cause i am here for you today

Close your eyes
Listen to me
Listen to the song that i wrote for you
You know its true
That i am here for you
All i want is for you to be here with me

So i sing this song for you and me
Close your eyes listen to this
Sing along, now can you see? oh yea 


This was for you all my life
And its still for you, today i stand
where i sing for you


ps: this one is also for every person who holds special place in my heart..a promise not to be forgotten..

hello friday!

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

What is exactly strategic thinking?

I tried to download some journals from Sciencedirect about this topic, but apparently it costs me money in which I am unwilling to pay. *yea..kedekut gile untuk ilmu (but FOC items look much more tempting!) lol. anyway, I should thank my lil brother for teaching and guiding me on this matter.

*hugs.

on the other hand, i am trying to get everything under control at the moment. definitely trying my best!. walaupun lembap sikit daripada kura-kura.

second item is that, yes..i am too occupied with my own life. i should not let working life take over my whole life. including my precious time with my own family.

i miss home.

very much.

ps: personal issue is not my priority at the moment. i am done thinking. for something that is beyond my control where i have less than 50% control over it, i will not overdo or overthink like i used to before. God is there for me, isnt it? As-Sami'..i know He heard me. and always hears me. definitely!.

*smile.

random thoughts

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

The 3 Things in life that we should know;

That is why these logic should be apply in life;  

because apparently:

credits to my friend; i found this on her FB page. ;)

rambling..p1

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

I have been too occupied with work and events in my life these past few weeks. also have been in the all-so-stressed-mode until i fall sick. well, it wasn't totally about work. there is also a personal issue that needed me to straightened out myself. in which required me to be perfectly in rational mode.

*hembus nafas.

i guess i cant fight my conscience. because it was the core value and my principle in life. you cant just simply throw away something that you have been holding and believing for years.

it's like the only branch that you hold and you trust with all your heart, it wont break no matter how hard the tornado hits. and i grow up holding this values, which shaped me to be who i am today. what am i supposed to do when i need go against my own morale values? it's killing me inside. fullstop.

i hate struggling. and i hate going through harsh and hard moment in life. it is not hard in a physical way actually. but it kills my passion about life eventually. *yeah, i  know i am nagging about things now. literally. without telling exactly what the problem is.

never mind, will try to work it out later. i will put it under pending item. important, but not urgent. the urgency should be put on my unsettled zillion tasks (im a drama queen, huh?).  but whatever it is, i need to starts planning my work this weekend. maybe it will cost me a day or two. at least it will clear me out from those pending tasks.

my responsibilities are getting heavier. i notice that myself. and i wonder why was i given this responsibilities when i am not ready yet?. maybe i need to speed up my reading so i can read up more books by the end of next month. kenapa nak baca buku tiba-tiba? dan apa kena mengena buku dengan responsibility?

well, simply said, to gain more and moooreee knowledge! kepala dah berkarat bila berfikir tanpa pertambahan ilmu yang sepatutnya. and recently, apa yang selalu dibincangkan was all about work. and work. and yeah, some gossips to spice up the life. *giggles. just kidding.

im tired. if this year i still cant manage to my work well, maybe it is time to think about alternative. but one of my colleague said, that was an escapism. the easy way out. yeah, couldn't agree more with him. but on the other hand, if this escapism can increase my capability and strength and improve my overall values, why not?

it is still an option. isn't it?

this is definitely for you..

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

it is whether i am too attached to you. or i am too dependent on you. but unfortunately, i'm starting to miss you even more when the weekend is coming..

and regardless of who ever is staying besides me, life doesn't seems complete to me. there's a hole that nobody can ever fill it just no matter how or what they do.

i guess, you really are my soulmate! my bff & my sister!

damn, i really miss your presence in this house even more now. sebab satu hari ni apparently i didn't get your report of what happened today.

susah bila you can't lose either one of these important people in your life no matter what. sigh.

hopefully time can pass by quicker than it should!

ps: it's the 100th post! congratulations to me, myself and i. heh. working life seems to look even more stress than it has ever been before. it is either with the jobs, the people, or the system itself. i guess nothing is perfect in this life. even so, i will still try to do the best i should. it is not about getting someone else's attention nor trying to look as if i am the best among all. it is about getting the satisfaction level that i want in things that i do. that matters the most at the moment. 

change is constant..

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

when we say things like, people don't change..

it drives scientists crazy..

because change is literally the only constant in all of science..


energy..matter..

it always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying..


it's the way people try not to change that is unnatural..

the way we cling to what things were instead of letting it be with what they are..

the way we cling to our memories instead of forming a new ones..

the way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication..

that anything in this lifetime is permanent.

change is constant.

how we experience change?

 that is up to us. it can be like a death...

or it can be a second chance to a life..

if we open our fingers,

losing our grip,

and go with it...

it can be like pure adrenalin..


like in any moment, we can have another chance in life...

like in any moment, we can be born.. all over again..

-meredith grey; grey's anatomy s07e01-

"what happen to us, is only 10%. 90% is how we react to it.."