in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful
woke up late today. later than i thought i should. sigh. it was more like a day to laze around with nothing. though i did some spring cleaning, besides marathon back-to-back with this korean series; my princess. it's addictive. real one. and now at 2.30 in the morning, amazingly i'm still up just to watch another episode with the speed connection slow like a walking turtle.. aigoo... can't believe that i can endure it up till now.
suddenly it flashes back the memories when i was back in utp. the never ending korean fever. lol. sanggup stay up just to finish the episodes. fuh, kalaulah se-semangat itu waktu belajar. heh. well then, i still passed the exams and graduate isn't it? ;p
never really thought that one day i would jump into the automotive industry. and of all the books that i brought home, i left the most important one at the moment; operation management!
actually i had second thought of leaving the book, but then my konon-konon conscience mind reasonably said to me; i should just bring all the chemical engineering books only because i would probably applying jobs related to chemical engineering thingy. plus to save up some space in the car for other things too. should just believe my intuition before. ape da.
recently, had been thinking about this stuff lately.
and i did questioned myself. but then, i still don't have the answer. and couldn't give one when asked by that particular person. i wasn't playing around. wasn't trying to fool someone either.
there are certain people who will go all out just to make someone fall for them. whatever it takes to force the love to grow. apparently, they seems to be succeed. but looking at how much they need to pay for that, i say i would rather do something else. something that worth the time i would invested.
and yeah, i'm almost a total failure in cultivating the feelings to grow. maybe my oh-so-rational mind had restricted me out and calculate all the possibilities whether it'll be worth it in the end.
or perhaps maybe they are just aren't the 'it' person?
someone said, i need to do istikharah. true. but the problem is; why on earth will u be asking God, if in your heart you know that the time has not come yet? u just know that u aren't ready yet, so still need to ask?
while blog-walking; i found this one song. one perfect song for me. lol. but for the time being, i still love my status. commitment is not something that i can easily give to someone unless i am pretty sure that it's worth it. pretty sure that it will not be a waste in the end like before.
to you-know-who-are,
i love your company. i love all the discussions we had...from simple things to the most complicated ones. at least they triggered my rusty mind a lil bit to think outside the box. at this point of life, i don't really want to lose one precious friendship over something that i am not pretty sure what the ending might be. but i really appreciate what u've said today. may He gives u something more worth-while as the exchange. something that u really need in life. thing that u've been searching all your life. i'll pray for u. definitely. because u're one of the most precious diamonds He gave to me.
perhaps i need to find the right locksmith to give me the key to unlocked the door back.
