rambling..p1

in the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

I have been too occupied with work and events in my life these past few weeks. also have been in the all-so-stressed-mode until i fall sick. well, it wasn't totally about work. there is also a personal issue that needed me to straightened out myself. in which required me to be perfectly in rational mode.

*hembus nafas.

i guess i cant fight my conscience. because it was the core value and my principle in life. you cant just simply throw away something that you have been holding and believing for years.

it's like the only branch that you hold and you trust with all your heart, it wont break no matter how hard the tornado hits. and i grow up holding this values, which shaped me to be who i am today. what am i supposed to do when i need go against my own morale values? it's killing me inside. fullstop.

i hate struggling. and i hate going through harsh and hard moment in life. it is not hard in a physical way actually. but it kills my passion about life eventually. *yeah, i  know i am nagging about things now. literally. without telling exactly what the problem is.

never mind, will try to work it out later. i will put it under pending item. important, but not urgent. the urgency should be put on my unsettled zillion tasks (im a drama queen, huh?).  but whatever it is, i need to starts planning my work this weekend. maybe it will cost me a day or two. at least it will clear me out from those pending tasks.

my responsibilities are getting heavier. i notice that myself. and i wonder why was i given this responsibilities when i am not ready yet?. maybe i need to speed up my reading so i can read up more books by the end of next month. kenapa nak baca buku tiba-tiba? dan apa kena mengena buku dengan responsibility?

well, simply said, to gain more and moooreee knowledge! kepala dah berkarat bila berfikir tanpa pertambahan ilmu yang sepatutnya. and recently, apa yang selalu dibincangkan was all about work. and work. and yeah, some gossips to spice up the life. *giggles. just kidding.

im tired. if this year i still cant manage to my work well, maybe it is time to think about alternative. but one of my colleague said, that was an escapism. the easy way out. yeah, couldn't agree more with him. but on the other hand, if this escapism can increase my capability and strength and improve my overall values, why not?

it is still an option. isn't it?